Keep That Act Fresh, Kid Or You'll End Up Playing To The Haircuts

Last night, thinking about the last couple of days here, I remembered this story from The Algonquin legends of New England; or, Myths and folk lore of the Micmac, Passamaquoddy, and Penobscot tribes, something I read about the time when That trio act under discussion was just going past its prime.

When all men had heard that Glooskap would grant a wish to any one who would come to him, three Indians resolved to try this thing ; and one was a Maliseet from St. John, and the other two were Penobscots from Old Town. And the path was long and the way was hard, and they suffered much, and they were seven years on it ere they came to him. But while they were yet three months journey from his dwelling, they heard the barking of his dogs, and as they drew nearer, day by day, it was louder. And so, after great trials, they found the lord of men and beasts, and he made them welcome and entertained them. 

But, ere they went, he asked them what they wanted. And the eldest, who was an honest, simple man, and of but little account among his people, because he was a bad hunter, asked that he might excel in the killing and catching of game. Then the Master gave him a flute, or the magic pipe, which pleases every ear, and has the power of persuading every animal to follow him who plays it. And he thanked the lord, and left. 

Now the second Indian, being asked what he would have, replied, The love of many women. And when Glooskap asked how many, he said, " I care not how many, so that there are but enough of them, and more than enough." At hearing this the Master seemed displeased, but, smiling anon, he gave him a bag which was tightly tied, and told him not to open it until he had reached his home. So he thanked the lord, and left. 

Now the third Indian was a gay and handsome but foolish young fellow, whose whole heart was set on making people laugh, and on winning a welcome at every merry-making. And he, being asked what he would have or what he chiefly wanted, said that it would please him most to be able to make a certain quaint and marvelous sound or noise, which was frequent in those primitive times among all the Wabanaki, and which it is said may even yet be heard in a few sequestered wigwams far in the wilderness, away from men ; there being still here and there a deep magician, or man of mystery, who knows the art of producing it. And the property of this wondrous sound is such that they who hear it must needs burst into a laugh; whence it is the cause that the men of these our modern times are so sorrowful, since that sound is no more heard in the land. And to him Glooskap was also affable, sending Marten into the woods to seek a certain mystical and magic root, which when eaten would make the miracle the young man sought. But he warned him not to touch the root ere he got to his home, or it would be the worse for him. And so he kindly thanked the lord, and left. 

It had taken seven years to come, but seven days were all that was required to tread the path returning to their home, that is, for him who got there. Only one of all the three beheld his lodge again. This was the hunter, who, with his pipe in his pocket, and not a care in his heart, trudged through the woods, satisfied that so long as he should live, there would always be venison in the larder. 

But he who loved women, and had never won even a wife, was filled with anxious wishfulness. And he had not gone very far into the woods before he opened the bag. And there flew out by hundreds, like white doves, swarming all about him, beautiful girls, with black burning eyes and flowing hair. And wild with passion the winsome witches threw their arms about him, and kissed him as he responded to their em braces ; but they came ever more and more, wilder and more passionate. And he bade them give way, but they would not, and he sought to escape, but he could not ; and so panting, crying for breath, smothered, he perished. And those who came that way found him dead, but what became of the girls no man knows. 

Now the third went merrily onward alone, when all at once it flashed upon his mind that Glooskap had given him a present, and without the least heed to the injunction that he was to wait till he had reached his home drew out the root and ate it ; and scarce had done this ere he realized that he possessed the power of uttering the weird and mystic sound to absolute perfection. And as it rang o'er many a hill and dale, and woke the echoes of the distant hills, until it was answered by the solemn owl, he felt that it was indeed wonderful. So he walked gaily, trumpeting as he went, over hill and vale, happy as a bird. 

But by and by he began to weary of himself. Seeing a deer he drew an arrow and stealing silently to the game was just about to shoot, when despite him self the wild, unearthly sound broke forth like a demons warble. The deer bounded away, and the young man cursed ! And when he reached Old Town, half dead with hunger, he was worth little to make laughter, though the honest Indians at first did not fail to do so, and thereby somewhat cheered his heart. But as the days went on they wearied of him, and, life becoming a burden, he went into the woods and slew himself. And the evil spirit of the night-air, even Bumole, or Pamola, from whom came the gift, swooped down from the clouds and bore him away to Lahm-kekqu , the dwelling place of darkness, and he was no more heard of among men. 

Just to make it relevant to how the argument got started, that's a story recorded from these People, even as Darwin and Haeckel and Karl Pearson were writing science books and giving science lectures that looked forward to their eradication so the "Aryans" including the Brits could occupy their land, what the German wing of Darwinism called Lebensraum.