I'm told by the radio just now that you have a better chance to be elected president of the United States than you do of winning the Power Ball lottery. While I'd like to see the math behind that statement, it is clearly not true. So blatantly not true that anyone saying it has shown that they're too stupid to be a news reader or the person who writes their script. And it's a statement I've heard earnestly made by allegedly educated people a number of times, many of them in the media, some of them with apparently enough competence in math to get them into trouble when it's not matched with logical analysis.
One person wins the presidential election (barring coups such as was mounted in 2000) every four years but someone wins the Power Ball most weeks. That alone shows there is clearly something wrong with the logical basis of such a statement, not really thinking out what the numbers could possibly mean in real life.
The problem of winning a Presidential election, the huge numbers of factors, including those beyond calculation, such as human intention, biased media, corrupt judges, to name just a few, with the fact that only one presidential election happens every four years makes it far less likely that any one person would be the one who wins the election than that they would, if they bought a ticket, be a winner of the Power Ball. There are 104 chances of winning the Power Ball every year. And given the rules of the game, it's possible that there could be twice as many winners of it next Wednesday than there will ever be presidents of the United States. The number of winners in any four year period proves that it's more likely that one person will win the Power Ball than be elected president of the United States.
I'm not recommending you buy a ticket or make the equally illogical mistake of thinking you're enormously increasing your chances of winning by blowing your week's pay buying tickets. I'm going to buy ONE ticket. You'll know I've won if the editing here gets better, one of the first things I'm going to do it's hire someone who mastered formal grammar and composition to edit what I write. No Strunk-White dupes need apply.
It might make you feel smart and sciency to say stuff like that but it will only impress people who are kind of silly when it comes to logic.
I'm sure it was just a raw calculation based on the number of people in the country, not any of the mechanics involved. Which makes it a specious comparison, of course.
ReplyDeleteYou guys don't really understand the concept of metaphor, do you.
ReplyDeleteI'd say that's possibly the stupidest thing you've ever said, Simps, but the chances of you saying something totally stupid are so high that finding the superlative example among them is a thankless chore.
DeleteLet me guess, your major program didn't have a math requirement.
You don't really understand that not all metaphors are good or useful. In this case, something that actually involves odds--like the chance of being struck by lightning--would've been more apt.
DeleteGet back to me when your testicles have finally descended.
ReplyDeleteLet me guess, you've used that line before. How many times did you use it at Duncan's Brain Trust?
DeleteI keep inviting you to not get back to me, I've been doing that for pretty much the past five years. I wouldn't be saying mean things about Daddy Dunc if you'd left me out of it.
Your insistence on coming back makes me think you're starved for stimulation that your nodding head acquaintances at Baby Blue aren't providing you. You guys could invent a new Olympic sport synchronized nodding, knee jerking, self-admiration... Let me suggest a grey pullover for the team uniform.
You could call it "Lieathalon".
DeleteI've lost count of the times I've asked you to ban me.
ReplyDeletePlease -- go for it.
You can't count to zero?
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ReplyDeleteMR. SPOCK: "A joke is a story with a humorous climax."
-- from STAR TREK IV: THE VOYAGE HOME
If you want more advice on how to be funny, I'll be happy to oblige. Jeebus knows, you're in desperate need of it.
You should have trusted what it said over the urinal in 8th grade, Simps, it was put there for your benefit, "The joke is in your hand."
DeleteGo shlong yourself, as no Jew on Earth has ever said.
ReplyDelete:-)
You just said it. Not that I ever thought of you as a Jew. All assholes come from the same place and it's anatomical, not ethnic.
DeleteEven by your standards, that's a deeply pathetic excuse for a comeback.
ReplyDeleteYou didn't understand it, did you.
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