Thursday, April 19, 2018

Nother Footnote

Editing this morning post I remembered seeing the trailer for what was probably the  absolute, ass-end of what Freki would probably consider a Bible epic, the 1963 mash-up of steroid beef-cake hackery with Bible themed movie junk, the Italian sand and sandals crap "Hercules, Samson & Ulysses."  I don't think I've thought of it since then, I had to do a bit of googling to come up with the title.   I'd never have watched it. Certainly not if I had to pay 35 cents to get in.   Don't believe it if you choose but  the young, gay Thought Criminal didn't go in for movie style steroid he-men  who looked all the more luridly repulsive in the contemporary color-lab treatment.   And that was if you could ignore the awful writing, the ridiculous plots, the non-acting.  I do remember wondering what one of the Hebrew Judges was doing in a movie with two Greeks he'd more likely have been smiting with a jaw bone, but not enough to watch it.  I don't know how far the IMDb blurb goes to explain that.

Two strongmen set out to hunt down a murderous sea monster. Their ship is wrecked and they end up in the Holy Land where Hercules is assumed to be Samson who is a wanted man. The two team up to survive.

and don't care enough to look for further plot description.  I assume they meet up with the real Samson and wrestle the shit out of each other.  If they'd had a bigger budget maybe they'd have thrown Beowulf in.  Or Siegfried.  

I think some of the really awful gay porn actors in the 1990s were better at pretending to be actors, and as I recall reading, some of those B-actor Hollywood hunks also appeared in porn.  Don't know about the Italian ones.   So many of them died so young, if the steroids didn't kill them, STDs, alcohol, pills, suicide . . .  Movies suck, audio drama is a writers and actors medium, not a producers and accountants one.   When it's good it's so much better.  Don't even remember what movie I'd gone to see when I saw the trailer.   Whenever I look stuff up at the IMDb and look at the lists of movies even A-list actors made it's sort of jarring to see how many of the movies that cost tens of millions of dollars to make really, really suck.  It's all about business, not  even shows.


  1. i feel truly sorry for anybody with a soul so dead as to not appreciate the ouevre of Pietro Francisci. Of course, I feel even sorrier that Sparky doesn't even know about the great Mario Bava, and his "Hercules in the Haunted World."

    1. You have no soul, but it's pretty clear you're a real heel.

      This is so funny, Freki accusing me of having my grasp or reality constructed from Hollywood movies as he was discussing it with you, the man who has never read a book.

      Well, I knew Freki would tell any lie, not caring that it was transparently a lie. She really does have the rump remnant of the Eschaton play-group all figured out, they don't care if it's a lie as long as they like it.

      I wonder, does your girlfriend know you liked gladiator movies? If there are sordid details, keep them to yourself. There is nothing less sexy than the attempts at transgressive behavior by elderly New Yorker kulcha-vulchas desperately trying to keep their sex lives alive.