If you want more detail about why #MeToo is in danger of imploding because the problem it addresses is ill defined and the general lack of evidence available to judge accusations you can read more in Matt Kaiser's piece in Vox about the accusation "Grace" made about Aziz Ansari. Such a thing is bound to continue to happen because in most cases, there are only two people who can say what happened, the accused and the accuser They being the only two witnesses able to give evidence as to whether or not there was consent, you can't tell who is telling the truth. I'd go into the specifics given in the piece that match what I said about this issue the other day but you can read the piece. Considering the mess it is, maybe that should be "about these issues".
I will say that the process he describes as the way that colleges and universities are handling this won't continue because in some cases, maybe most of them, there is no real process of determining guilt or innocence. What it looks like to me is that in cases without physical evidence or third-party witnesses, and the fact is there won't be in many, guilt is being declared on the basis of who those making that decision decide to believe. They might get it right or they might get it wrong and that process can as easily let a rapist off as punish someone who is innocent of nothing more than being stupid enough to go into a room with someone he doesn't know and who later falsely accuses him. What might favor women who make accusations can as easily turn around and favor the accused, especially as people have a right to be judged on evidence and in its absence, there has to be a presumption of innocence. I'll bet that within the next few years that is the conclusion of some very expensive lawsuits.
This isn't going to change and it's only going to get worse because we've had fifty years of people being encouraged to screw around and screwing around with strangers or people they don't know while drunk. The idea that casual, semi-anonymous sex indulged in with many different people won't lead to trouble is incredibly stupid, the pubescent, tumescent day-dream of horny 12-year-olds as encouraged by the media and the movies, sex advice columnists and TV sitcoms. Years ago I wrote about a public health nurse I knew who said she could always count on an increase in very young girls with unexpected pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases the weeks and months after the fair, these days I doubt she'd have been able to discern much difference from the generalized irresponsible sex.
It's not going to get better because people aren't going to stop doing the stupid stuff that will inevitably lead to women and men going places to have sex with men who are going to penetrate them and either getting raped on the one hand or the one doing the penetrating being accused of doing things that he either knowingly did or believed he wouldn't be accused of because he believed he had consent. I don't have any more sympathy for Aziz Ansari than I do "Grace" except to say that I am entirely not a fan of anonymous accusations of named people, anonymous accusations should not be published or broadcast because I believe anyone accused, guilty or innocent, has a right to know who is making the accusation against them. I think any media entity that publishes anonymous accusations against specific, named people or people otherwise definitely identified should be liable for being sued. Especially if it's a website that encourages the kind of behavior that is guaranteed to generate rapes and false accusations of rapes because it encourages the behavior that will inevitably lead to that.
You won't stop the harassment and rape until you stop encouraging behavior that will lead to it, corporations might be sued into doing something to restrain the men who work for them, that won't work with other institutions. Universities and colleges might be able to do the same with faculty and staff though threats of firing for having inappropriate social interactions with students. But between students and students and non-students, they won't be able to deal with the consequences and will eventually stop trying to. Then things will go straight to hell.
For crying out loud, DON'T WILLINGLY GET INTO A SITUATION IN WHICH YOU'RE ALONE WITH A STRANGER, ONE WHO MIGHT RAPE YOU OR WORSE OR ONE WHO MIGHT CONSENT AND THEN ACCUSE YOU OF RAPING THEM. And, for crying out loud, don't do it with someone you don't know, especially if you're drunk, you idiot. Grow the fuck up.
I do think this Ansari incident is going to be a good thing in the long run based on the reaction. Excluding Bee's sad, desperate attempts to pretend otherwise, I've noticed a lot of reasonable moderates saying what Ashleigh Banfield said. Women have rights, women have freedom, it is now their responsibility to use them wisely. Hopefully young ladies will learn from this. I try to be hopeful. I have a niece to worry about.
ReplyDeleteRod Dreher wrote a piece maybe a year ago warning about hook-up culture and the problems that arise with "sexual assaults" that take place in such a milieu. An officer at "college town" explains how virtually all sexual assault reports he deals with involve alcohol and strangers. But attempts to remind people of the dangers of that makes you, well, a prude! There is a book that warns of calling evil good and good evil. But I doubt many read it today.
I like D.L. Hughley's comment, too: "Non-verbal cues? I've been married for 35 years and I don't know my wife's non-verbal cues. I don't even know her verbal ones!"
One point he made does, I'm curious, perhaps points to a problem: "Ladies, if you can swipe left, you can say no!"
It's easy to anonymously reject someone's proposal on Tinder with a move of your thumb, but interacting with another human being without devices? Are people becoming so disconnected? Really. Human communication is more than just words. If we eliminate body language, tone, inflection, eye contact, etc. how will we communicate directly?
You seem to have largely or completely missed my pointing out that Ansari was asking for it when HE decided to have sex with a stranger. I think a lot of these men who are falsely accused (when such they be) were "asking for it" because they, as well, chose to sleep with stranger often in a state of inebriation or mutual inebriation, depending on their ability to escape consequences.
DeleteAs to the "hook-up" culture, that's largely a product of the media promoting it, Hollywood, TV, . . . sex advice columnists. Not to mention the entire force of patriarchy which has always encouraged promiscuity among men. The difference now is that more of them are running into the consequences of that. You know, I've been speaking against sexual irresponsibility from well before I started post what I wrote, back to about the time I heard an idiot who bragged about having to be treated for hepatitis contracted through summer sex. I remember what I said, "you're insane".
I agree with you. I especially like the D.L. Hughley quote. We are presuming a level of communication in this issue that is literally impossible. Of course, we're also insisting someone else be responsible for our regrettable decisions.
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